Thursday, April 11, 2013

12 Steps to Overcoming Shyness With the Opposite Sex

By Cheryl P. Rivera


Getting rid of your shyness may seem impossible but with a little effort and the desire to be more outgoing with the opposite sex then you can definitely overcome shyness. It is important to know that the fears you feel when shyness hits you is typically always much worse than the reality of the situation. Fake it until you make it! This is an infamous saying in the sales world.It is a great way to start teaching yourself new behavioral habits.

But most shy people find that idea daunting and prefer to start shaking off their shyness in smaller situations.Wherever you decide to start, the important thing is to actually start!Break the ice.With a helpful friend if need be. If everyone seems to be in groups or cliques, pick one with an odd number. Then there's a chance you can actually pair off with someone and overcome your shyness that way.Get a pet.A dog is especially good for this.You have to go out and walk your dog on a regular basis and most dog owners are more than happy to stop and chat on their daily walk.If you're really timid, just start with a nod to acknowledge the other person. But ideally get at least as far as saying "hello" or "good morning" or some other friendly but non-committal phrase. Maybe even the British fall-back conversation topic of the weather.

Learn to relax.Shyness and social anxiety often go hand in hand with an inability to relax.Relaxation is something that we seem to find harder to do as we get older but it's actually quite easy to get back into the habit.Whether you do something simple like a breathing exercise or you prefer to just lie down and listen to some relaxing music matters less than actually taking the time out to relax.Then make a mental note of the state of your mind when you're in deep relaxation and bring that state back to life when you find yourself in a situation that you'd previously have found stressful.

Smile more often.A nervous smile is better than no smile at all. But smiling is actually a great ice breaker and you may well find that's all you need to do to get other people to walk up to you and start talking. Then you have two options: run and hide or forget your shyness and carry on the conversation.The second choice is far and away the better one and will help you to overcome your shyness and social anxiety quicker than you ever dreamed possible.Research has shown that shyness is caused by three factors these are which when combined produces shyness. First is an excessive evaluation of self, secondly you view your self negatively and finally you are preoccupied with your self. When these three factors are combined, shyness occurs. This happens mainly during social events and around strange people.

So what is it that causes us to experience shyness? We have all experienced shyness at some point in life to a certain degree but the root cause really boils down to the following,Weak self image, overly occupied with self, and labelling. All of these negatives may have happened at some point during life situations and experiences that you have not come to closure with. These produce the negative emotion that is shyness. So how does one overcome shyness? One of the main ways of battling shyness is to increases awareness. This means you need to take into control your experience of shyness.Fist step in overcoming your shyness is to understand it.Every one has a unique type of shyness that is triggered by certain events, settings and situations. You need to find out what exactly is causing your trigger and what it is that you are concerned about.

Transforming self consciousness into Self Awareness,Tell yourself that the world is not watching you. The truth is, most people are too busy looking at themselves instead of focusing on you. As if you are looking at others, draw that awareness inwards. Find the understanding of what is it that makes you shy. Look inside yourself and observe the presence of your thoughts. Truly self-awareness is the first step in improving ones life.Find what makes you strong,We all have something that we are strong at such as different qualities and the way in which we express ourselves. Locate these strengths and accept them even when they are not viewed in a traditional sense. After all, if the entire world was the same every thing would be overly boring.

Sometimes it seems that the task of overcoming shyness is insurmountable. Every time you find yourself in a strange situation, you just instinctively want to disappear into a hole in the ground - not that there's a convenient hole in the neighborhood of course. Check out these tips for overcoming shyness.

Reduce anxiety through movement,Physical movement is one of the best ways to release pent up energies. Walking and jogging will help to clear the mind of situations that create anxiety. This renewed mind state will allow you to see things better.Affirmation,Words are very powerful and used in the right context they can change reality. The unconscious mind takes cues what the conscious mind hears and drives the being according. Spend time reaffirming positive words and over time you will begin to experience a change on how you view life which will impact your shyness.

Never run away from what it is that is making you uncomfortable,When you leave a setting or situation that is making you shy you are basically reinforcing that negative aspect of yourself and making it stronger. Turn these fearful situations into a period where you become the observer and dig into your psyche to find out what it is that is making you react in this way.

Be accepting of rejection.Rejection is a natural part of life. You must learn how to cope with this rejection and learn how to never take it personally. Every one will be rejected at some point in time. It's just a part of the learning process of life. The key is to handle the rejection by never taking it personally, look for the lesson in the situation and move on.Do away with perfectionism,Most people who compare themselves to others tend to compare themselves with the most popular person in a social setting or with the celebrities on TV. This in turn causes them to place excessive expectations of themselves thus causing them to ask the question why can't I be like the other person. Do away with this perfectionism.Finally practice your social skills,Practise makes perfect, like any other skill you may have, you should practice your social skills. Spend time putting yourself out there meeting and greeting others. If you're not sure what to say, ask a fried to help you before hand for such social events.




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