When couples struggle to survive an affair, they may choose therapy as a choice. Initially there's relief because they feel as though the specialist understands their frustration and can sincerely provide them with help. What may surprise them , however, is the sensation that they're moving two steps forward and one step back.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by astonishing emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for care, what they might not understand is that three people actually show up for the appointment. Only two wear skin, but the third is quite as real and influential: anger.
Analysts are only now recognizing the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, the tricked partner experiences following the discovery of an affair. The wrath may be displayed by anger outbursts or concealed away, but it is always at work impacting the direction therapy will take. Will the therapist help the partners discuss the factors that made the marriage ready for the affair, or will the focus be on the pain experienced by the betrayed spouse? Anger will decide.
The betraying spouse may not be able to identify her very own anger in the first sessions as she might be working really tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she betrayed. By ignoring her fury however, she is now not coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the frustration, disapproval, and resentment that led to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the therapist fails to recognize her angriness in session, he may leave her in the same highly emotional situation.
In infidelity recovery, outrage must be identified and met head on by all participants in treatment. Ignoring angriness does not make it go; it only makes it a much more powerful dance partner.
Leaving a session may make them feel as though they have the tools and are headed straight for success, only to be sidelined for days by astonishing emotional turmoil. This phenomenon has been called a roller coaster, but might be more accurately described as a dance with anger. When the partners arrive for care, what they might not understand is that three people actually show up for the appointment. Only two wear skin, but the third is quite as real and influential: anger.
Analysts are only now recognizing the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including anger, the tricked partner experiences following the discovery of an affair. The wrath may be displayed by anger outbursts or concealed away, but it is always at work impacting the direction therapy will take. Will the therapist help the partners discuss the factors that made the marriage ready for the affair, or will the focus be on the pain experienced by the betrayed spouse? Anger will decide.
The betraying spouse may not be able to identify her very own anger in the first sessions as she might be working really tough to continue managing anger and not further offend the partner she betrayed. By ignoring her fury however, she is now not coping with anger. In ignoring anger, she ignores the frustration, disapproval, and resentment that led to her to justifying, minimizing, and executing a successful affair. If the therapist fails to recognize her angriness in session, he may leave her in the same highly emotional situation.
In infidelity recovery, outrage must be identified and met head on by all participants in treatment. Ignoring angriness does not make it go; it only makes it a much more powerful dance partner.
About the Author:
Dr. Kate Walker is a licensed professional counselor in the Woodlands, Texas. Her article discusses coping with anger and managing anger when counseling couples that are recovering from infidelity.
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